Moments of Weakness

Have you ever gone into a clothing store, grabbed an article of clothing off the rack in what you thought was your size, only to try it on and it doesn't fit, it's too tight, heck I can't even get the stupid thing on. Well, it happens to me a lot, my closet is full of clothes that I cannot wear because they are too small. Shopping for a chubber can be difficult and for me personally, I hate shopping for clothes in a store and will never try anything on at the store. I would rather buy it, try it on at my house and then decide if I'm going to keep it and I usually do. Why don't I just return the clothes that don't fit? Well I've thought of that and I've also thought of the look that the pretentious modelesk sales clerk will be giving me as I tell her I want to return a skirt that was clearly too small to get over my German birthing hips.

These clothes find their way to my closet and in my closet among all those "skinny" clothes there's that gorgeous Anthropologie dress. 

The Anthropologie dress

The one that I bought three years ago, that was ridiculously too expensive for me, but I just had to have it. Half of my closet is full of clothes that I can't fit in.....yet!!.

When I started writing this post, it started sounding like I was sorry for myself and like I was mad at the world because clothes shopping sucks for me and the clothes I want to wear don't fit me, Pity party for one! But that's not the message I want to portray and I don't want to continue to feel sorry for myself, I want to wear that dress, ditch the stretch, I want to attack that stack of jeans that has been piling up for some time and those clothes that have been neglected for years. I want to be able to walk into any clothing store and purchase a dress, pants or whatever without thinking about what fat binding contraption will I need to wear underneath to make it look at least presentable. But rather the harping on why I can't wear what I have in my closet, I'm choosing to do something about it. Sure there I had a moment of weakness today (I ate some french fries) and no doubt there will be many more, but just because you drop your phone on the floor doesn't mean that you have to step on it and break it. So in other words, just because you have a moment of weakness and make a bad food choice doesn't me you have to continue to eat bad for the remainder of the day. Like with the phone, what's the logical thing to do: pick it up. So "pick yourself up" get over it and finish your day better than how you began it. Have a healthy dinner, go for a run or walk, be active but whatever you do don't let that moment of weakness ruin your day.

Today's Workout: 60 mins. elliptical and some weight training to get rid of the bingo arms (aka arm fat).

Dinner: Homemade Tuna Sandwich with lots of veg., watermelon and a glass of grapefruit juice. (I was only able to eat half of the sandwich)

Lots of cleaning to do tonight, having a BBQ at my house this Friday - Tootles!

Breakfast, softball and BBQ

                                  

Breakfast has to be portable during the week or something that I can take to work, which means that it can range from hard boiled eggs, Chobanni Greek Yogurt or a packet of instant oatmeal (I'm a fan of the maple and brown sugar ones from Trader Joe's).
  

Lately, I've been blending frozen fruit, greens (spinach and kale), juice (carrot, beet or orange) and vanilla hemp protein powder and will have that for breakfast.

The most important part of breakfast is the all important Americano with vanilla powder from Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. I'm trying to wean myself off of the coffee though, it's hard, but instead I will drink Earl Grey with a splash of vanilla cream. For about the last 5 years my church has held a softball game and BBQ, and this year was no different. I was the catcher for my team, the winning team I might add (final score 14-13). After that ended I came home to a can of paint. I am re-designing my bedroom and a good chunk of the things I'm planning are DIY projects. Today I painted my tv storage cabinet "French Blue Gray",  it will soon be an dresser when the additional shelves are installed. I hope everyone had a enjoyable Memorial Day.

Me

My lunch - a hot dog with mustard, some potato salad an excessive amount of watermelon. I only had a sip of the Dr. Pepper, I really wanted some, but was only able to have a sip. I'm finding I don't like soda anymore, thank the Lord!!    

Garden Revamp Pt. 1 and Sunday Lunch

I spent 3 hours on Friday and other 2 on Saturday working on my flower and vegetable garden. Although it is not completely finished, I think I made a pretty good dent.

One of my flower beds was run over with a
nasty system of roots, I think pulling up those roots took up most of my time.  

It took forever to dig these out. My flower beds aren't perfect, well there not going to be perfect for a while but they are getting there slowly.

I started working on vegetable garden two weeks ago so they are starting to really grow.

In the vegetable garden is: Romain and freckled lettuce, Roma, Beefsteak and Cherry Tomatoes, Zucchini, Yellow Squash, Bell Peppers, Watermelon, Green Beans, Corn, Cucumber and Strawberries.















After Sunday morning service, my friend Roxy came over to help me redesign the look of the blog. I bribed her with food. I was planning on using a recipe I came across of sweet potatoes with goat cheese and kale. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough goat cheese, nor time to run to the store and get some before church this morning. So instead, I made salmon ("baked" on the grill because my oven went kaput) with spinach tortellini and kale sauteed in pancetta, garlic and cannellini beans.

                                                                                         

Roxy asked me if my food is made with MSG, to which I replied, "My food is made with L-O-V-E"

Weigh In No. 1

I'm very nervous about this post, I think I've made obvious by lack of posts for two days. Honestly I'm embarrassed and did not want to let my real weight known to the world, its a pretty terrifying and  scary move. I have been thinking about this post for the last two days and many things were going through my mind: What will people think when they see me now? Will people think I'm disgusting because I let myself get to this weight? However, those kinds of thoughts will not help me in my progress, but hinder it.

I guess putting off this post and mulling over in my mind the "repercussions"of posting my weight, I've come to the conclusion that I don't care what people think of my weight anymore, I'm not going to continue to try to hide (like a chubbers can really hide her weight) or complain about my weight and habits, but rather do anything and everything I can do to get healthy and maintain a lifestyle. So here we go, things are about to get real:

My heaviest weight: 276 lbs (WOWZERS, and not in a good way, I was flirting with 300lbs!)

In the last 10 months I have lost 32.6 lbs. with a current weight of 243.4!!!!

My goal weight is 160lbs. now that's 83.4lb to lose. It sounds really daunting and almost impossible to do, but I've already lost 30+lbs. now the plan is to lose 30 more, and 30 more and  then 23.4 more lbs.  

Habits

So many times have I made an attempt to lose weight, I know it's possible to lose weight, I know I can do the exercise and I know I can eat a healthy food, but eventually I give up, make excuses and revert back to old habits. They do say habits are the hardest things to break, I just need to get some new ones.

For the last two-three weeks I have been religiously jogging and seem to be getting faster and my stamina is stronger. My diet needs a makeover though. I can honestly say I don't eat In-N-Out a lot, I can't even remember the last time I had it. I do however like to snack, and I have been getting the muchies  a lot recently, and I find that it is so hard to fight that temptation to have a little nibble here and a little bite there. I hate that I have such a hard time with food, but I am determined to win to my war with unhealthy food.

I had a personal trainer once upon a time, and a phrase she told me has stuck with me over the years, but I never paid a lot of attention to it: "I may have the fat genes, but I'm going to live in skinny jeans." Over the years I was waiting for an ah-ha moment to kick start my weight loss, but that moment never came. I was waiting for someone to make that moment happen for me rather than wanting and making it happen for myself. No one else put on this weight, I did it all myself, and no one is going to put in the effort to get rid of it, unless that person is me!!